“The beautiful truth of Jesus is that He finds you where you are most broken. The gospel of religion says 'get your act together'. Fix your broken pieces and then come follow God all nice and shiny. The Gospel of Jesus is that God actually chases after you. He finds you right where you are most screwed up. Right where you are a disaster. In the mess. In the shame and guilt. In the part of you that you are hiding from the world.”
If you have read my story you will know that John Mark's sermon 'My Name Is Hope Pt.1' played a significant role in my recovery from suicidal ideation. If you can get past the corny graphics in the opening credits you will be faced with 45 minutes of honest teaching that breathes a little life into those who feel close to death.
Why did this sermon stay with me?
I think that this sermon spoke loudly to me because it felt more like a testimony than a lecture. This sermon begins with John Mark's personal experience of anxiety and depression. He shares honestly about his wrestle with suicidal ideation. This may have been the first time I had seen another Christian talk openly about their experience of suicidal ideation. This must have been a risky thing for John Mark to do because he is a lead pastor and well known around the world. And yet, he was willing to share his own experience of weakness. All of a sudden, I did not feel as guilty about my own desire to be in Heaven now.
I am not alone
The big idea that stuck with me from this sermon was that I am not alone. The lie that I was somehow unique in my anxiety and depression was blown out of the water when I heard this talk. Hearing John Mark’s own experience with mental illness helped me to see that, maybe, I’m not the only one. He then argued that the 'Bible tells the raw uncut story of prophets and poets, mothers and fathers, and a messiah who came up against anxiety and depression.’ For the first time I began to see characters of the Bible in a different light.
Hearing that the likes of Job, Elijah and King David all experienced severe mental illness changed the way I viewed my own faith. Here are three ‘hero’s’ of the Old Testament. Guys who are known for their faith. Job remained faithful despite tragedy, Elijah a prophet with God on his side and David, the child who defeated Goliath and the King of God’s people. And yet, all three men had suicidal ideation. Seeing these men in this new light showed a greater complexity to their character. These men had suffering minds.
This sermon prompted me to read up on Christians throughout history who have desired to be in Heaven Now. I have found Diana Gruver's 'Companions In The Darkness' very helpful as it has introduced me to 7 fellow Christians who have like me, all struggled with anxiety and depression. One by one they have reminded me that I am not alone. They have spoken to me with a gentleness that can only come from experiencing the darkest of nights.
Watch John Mark's sermon below -
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