“Do people who commit suicide go to Heaven?”
During my time as a Youth kid and now as a Youth leader, I have heard this question pop up frequently. Often following the original question is the remark by another kid, “isn’t suicide the unforgivable sin?”. From my experience, the responses to these questions formed my understanding and framework for how I processed suicide theologically. These few minutes, every couple of months, where a Youth leader would cautiously tiptoe their way through an off-the-cuff response, became the foundations upon how I thought God viewed suicide.
By no means is this the fault of any Youth leader. However, I believe this shows that great harm can be done when a church is silent on a particular issue. Silence brings confusion and hesitation. Silence perpetuates the stigma and shame surrounding the issue. Silence can be awfully loud in telling you that ‘you are alone’. Therefore, as Christians and as a Church community we need to start talking about suicide.
When churches, ministers and Youth leaders are willing to initiate conversations around suicide and mental health, you have more say in the tone and direction of the conversation. Whereas, when waiting to be asked “do people who commit suicide go to Heaven?” and “Isn’t suicide the unforgivable sin?”, the conversation has begun as a theological debate addressing the salvation of the suicidal. By allowing this question to dictate the conversation, the Youth there who are suicidal will be hearing that their salvation is questionable and debated. In other words, an issue that affects people will be reduced down to a debate of theology (in the intellectual sense). We become stuck on the back foot. And so often, it turns into a debate of biblical intellect rather than a word of pastoral care and the willingness to listen.
I agree that there is a time and place for theological debates surrounding suicide. However, we can offer so much more. For me personally, stories have been a powerful encouragement. Stories of Christians who have walked on the road of depression and tasted the shame of suicidal ideation. I have found great peace and reassurance in hearing the testimony of other Christians who have lived similar experiences. I have a growing list of life stories that uplift me. Job, Jesus, Peter, Paul, Spurgeon and (just recently) William Cowper have all given me hope. They have sung to me the same chorus - ‘Nath, you are not alone’.
I want to turn my attention to one of these biographies. I am beginning to see the story of Jesus in a new light. One where Jesus is distinct in his divinity and yet, so similar to us in his suffering. One where Jesus remains pure and clean and yet, so accustom to our shame and hurt. I now view Jesus as one who is not only aware of my struggle, but as one who cares. And, one who does not only care about my struggle, but is able to feel my struggle (Mat 26:38, Heb 4). A God who feels with me. A co-emotional being. That is, someone who is able to taste the unique bitterness that I am going through.
What caused me a lot of frustration when I was depressed, was the fact that nobody knew what I was going through. Sure, they ‘knew’ but they could not feel what I was going through. No matter what words I used or how I described my thoughts, no one could stand in my shoes. I was met with gentleness, love and empathy, but even the best attempt did not satisfy my thirst for having a friend who could walk each step by my side, breathing the same air that I was.
It is as if you have found yourself in the wilderness of the jungle. You are lost, alone and your panic is becoming more debilitating. It is one thing for someone to offer you help from the comforts of some far off bedroom or lounge room, compared to a friend, or even better, a guide who is there with you in the midst of the jungle. It sometimes felt as if those who supported me were calling from afar.
Whereas, Charles Spurgeon has recently shown me that Jesus breathes the same air we breathe no matter how bitterly cold it may be. Reflecting upon Hebrews 4:15, Spurgeon writes,
‘You are touched, and he is touched, at the same time. A pang shoots through my heart, that pang has been felt by my Lord also. A grief has stirred the waters of my spirit, and the spirit of Jesus has moved in harmony therewith… They say when the strings of one harp are touched, if there be another harp in the room, it gently responds in unison, though not touched by any hand, assuredly it is so with the believer and his Lord… Your present trouble is upon the heart of the Wellbeloved…
The sense of feeling is more intense, vivid, and acute than the sense of sight. It is one thing to see pain, but another thing to be touched with the feeling of it. Treasure up this view of your Lord’s empathy, for it may be a great support in the hour of agony, and a grand restorative in the day of weakness’.
Let’s remember that in the first blog post of this series, Adam and Eve stepped outside of God’s good and perfect design. This resulted in their frantic attempt to hide and cover themselves. We looked at the reflex of shame. Adam and Eve represent all of us. Each of us are hiding parts of ourselves. The things we have done and the shameful actions done against us. We hide them from God and from those around us. Shame leads to hiding, and ultimately shame may entice us to hide in death.
With this in mind, I love the fact that Jesus was born naked. On one hand, of course he was. It would be bizarre if Jesus was born in a fancy suit. However, God could have sent Jesus in any means He so desired. God chose to send Jesus in the form of a desperately, needy baby. God does not save us from a distance. He is not far off. He is not a coach yelling from the sideline. Rather, He steps onto the field and becomes involved in the match. God decided for Jesus to arrive in this way. To literally be born into our shame by being born in human nakedness.
Jesus came to reverse the curse of shame. We have seen that the garments God has used to cover the shame of His people are only temporary. We have always found a way to dirty the clean clothes. Our heart has been hardened by the self-destruction of shame. This might be slightly controversial, but I think those who are suicidal have an accurate understanding of the power of shame. The idea that something drastic needs to take place. The feeling that death might be the answer. I personally think it is true. However, the incredible message of Jesus is that it does not need to be your death. Jesus has such an intense love for you, that he is willing to die on your behalf. Although shame is taunting you to hide in death, Jesus responds to your voice of shame, by experiencing our shame to the point of death (Gal 2:20).
Have you noticed that Jesus died naked upon the cross (John 19:23)? Notice the imagery. Adam and Eve stepped outside of God’s good and perfect design and they became aware of their nakedness. They were introduced to shame. Ever since that moment, God’s people have being trying to cover and hide their shameful self. We now see God naked! The King of the Heavens exposed and humiliated for all to see. Jesus hung upon ‘an old rugged cross, the emblem of suffering and shame’.
In the most beautiful act of selfless love, Jesus has died in our shame. The blood of Christ has cleansed us. He has washed our shame away (Heb 9:14).
It is because of the life, death and resurrection of Jesus that he can say to you, “come to me, all you who are weary and burdened (by shame), and I will give you rest… I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your soul’ (Mat 11:28-29). Jesus has now become the garment in which we can wrap ourselves in (Rev 3:18). We can now hide in the embrace of our Saviour. You are invited to hide in Christ (Col 3:3). We have been given a new, cleansed heart, allowing us to draw near to God with complete confidence that he will welcome us in (Heb 10:19-22).
If this is true, why do I feel at times so utterly weighed down by my shame? If I am washed, why do I feel so guilty and rotten? Why is it that my death sometimes feels like the only answer to my shame?
This is an insight into where I currently am on my journey. While I pursue answers that satisfy my confusion, I have found that allowing these truths to sink deep, helps to anchor me when I feel overwhelmed by shame. These are the truths that I keep coming back to -
Shame wants me to hide in death.
God brings life to me, when I feel close to death.
Jesus died in my shame, so I can hide in him.
I can wrap up my nakedness in Jesus’ embrace.
As Spurgeon wrote, ‘Treasure up this view of your Lord’s empathy, for it may be a great support in the hour of agony, and a grand restorative in the day of weakness’.
To finish, rather than a debate on whether those who have committed suicide go to Heaven, I strongly believe that this story will bring greater hope and delight for those of us who feel moments away from death. We can offer so much more love to those of us who are desiring Heaven now. The life of Jesus, personal experiences and the story of past Christians who have walked this road before us, can bring light and reassurance to those of us who are considering death.
Shame wants you to hide in death.
God brings life to those close to death.
Jesus died in shame, so we can hide in him.
Allow your nakedness to be wrapped up in Jesus.
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