I hate mould. It’s gross. Unfortunately, mould seems to love the draws in our bathroom cabinet. My wife and I have spent multiple weekends trying to kill off this mould. It is a long process cleaning all the individual contents within each drawer. We spray a heap of potent chemicals all over the surfaces. And, while trying to hold our breath, we scrub the drawers like maniacs. It doesn’t matter what brand of chemical or how much we lather it on, the mould always returns. It might be a couple of days or maybe a couple of months before it returns, but it always comes back. It’s exhausting to clean, and at times, it feels utterly pointless.
Like mould, we find that shame contaminates everything it touches, and it’s never truly gone. You might be able to buy another basin or bathroom or even house, but unfortunately we don’t have the same luxury with our life. This is it. Despite our best attempts to move on, shame makes us mouldy - it feels gross. Ed Welch writes in his book, Shame Interrupted, ‘for shame to wear away, it feels as though the shame-ful person would have to wear away, and some people have tried such things’.
We finished the last article with the garments that God made for Adam and Eve. We are given another story of shame in Ezekiel. This time we will see that our shame can not be hidden behind fine linen and clothes because like mould, it will contaminate all that it touches.
An Imminent Death
‘On the day you were born your cord was not cut, nor were you washed with water to make you clean, nor were you rubbed with salt or wrapped in cloths. No one looked on you with pity or had compassion enough to do any of these things for you. Rather, you were thrown out into the open field, for on the day you were born you were despised. Then I passed by and saw you kicking about in your blood, and as you lay there in your blood I said to you, “Live!”’ (Ezek 16:4-6)
The Bible commentator, John B. Taylor, believes that this baby has been discarded and left to die. Sin and shame have done what they set out to do, wreak havoc among God’s children. John B. Taylor writes, God finds ‘the exposed infant struggling’ and chooses to draw near. God decides to breathe life into this helpless baby. You can imagine the infant coughing on its own blood. Seconds away from death. Without hesitation God says “live!”.
While the writer is addressing the condition of Israel, some of us can empathise in a very real sense with the expression ‘for the day you were born you were despised’. Some of us have never known the love that ought to come from our parents or the safety a home should bring. You may know what it is to feel ignored and detested by those around you. Perhaps your partner or spouse is abusive and coercive, leaving you trapped and humiliated. For you, I wonder if the voice of shame has morphed into your own voice. Self-harm or even the thought of death may appear as the only remedy for a life so far from love and affection.
Come and hear the calm but passionate voice of God. He draws near to the hurting and those close to death and says, 'live my dear child!’.
‘When I looked at you and saw that you were old enough for love, I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your naked body. I gave you my solemn oath and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Sovereign Lord, and you became mine. I bathed you with water and washed the blood from you and put ointments on you. I clothed you with an embroidered dress and put sandals of fine leather on you. I dressed you in fine linen and covered you with costly garments. I adorned you with jewellery: I put bracelets on your arms and a necklace around your neck, and I put a ring on your nose, earrings on your ears and a beautiful crown on your head. So you were adorned with gold and silver; your clothes were of fine linen and costly fabric and embroidered cloth… You became very beautiful and rose to be a queen.’ (Ezek 16:8-13)
While I find comfort in the words of a loving God, they would be useless if not acted upon. However, God always follows up His promises and words in action. This is what we can come to expect of God. He never lies or exaggerates. Rather, He delivers faithfully to each word He says. At this point in the metaphor we are alive but still naked and blood-stained. We have life but we are still burdened by our shame. Please notice that God does not give us life (salvation) and then walk away. God’s heart is attuned to the hurt we carry from our shame. And so, like any good parent, God bathes us. He washes away our blood-stained marks. We are left clean and spotless. The ointment the passage refers to would have been a salt-based mixture that was used like an antiseptic cream. This ointment was rubbed in repeatedly to prevent the likelihood of sickness or disease. This reinforces that in this story, God has saved the shamed, washed the shamed and is keeping the shamed healthy.
We then see God clothe us. A great transformation takes place. From a naked baby left to die in its own blood to a beautiful queen. We see that God is not stingy in his love. He doesn’t just give us hand-me-downs or second-hand clothes from the local op shop. No, we see a God who is willing to pay the expense to give us the finest. No cost is too much. We can see the heart of God in this passage. A lavish generosity to His child. God takes great delight in clothing our nakedness with the most beautiful garments.
Rags to riches to rags
This has been a beautiful story of rags-to-riches. However, the story is unfinished. Remember the mould? Remember how it contaminates all that it comes into contact with?
Well, our shame is mould-like. Our impurities seems to make the ‘pure', impure. The stench of our shame reeks through even the most expensive clothes. It may hide our disgrace for a moment or two but our shame will eventually erode even the most beautiful fabric. Over time the clothes will rip and stain. Devastatingly, it won’t be too long until our clothes will look more like the rags of a servant rather than the gown of a Queen. And whether it is our shame, or the shame of another inflicted upon us, we will become yet again bruised and bloodied.
Once more, we will find ourselves playing 'hide and seek'. It is as if our heart is pumping out shame. We need more than clothes, more than a covering - we need a new heart that is pure and protected against shame. Otherwise, we will take the clothes but run from the dressmaker. We will forget the love God has for us and the life He brings us. We will trust in ourselves and in those around us. The repercussions of this is that our fabric begins to soil and rip. The fear begins to kick back in. Secrets begin to build up. We become controlled by the reflex of shame. We find ourselves running away from those near to us. Hiding from those close to us. It is here, tired and alone, that the voice of shame tempts us to hide in death.
Please pause and hear the calm but passionate response of God.
Firstly, God promises to never leave His children. Yes, we will spoil His clothes. Yes, we will run and hide. But, He says ‘child, never will I leave you, never will I abandon you’ (Deut. 31:8, Heb. 13:5). In your shame you may try to run and hide, but you can never outrun his love. His love pursues you (Ps. 23:6). His grace and forgiveness is chasing after you, waiting for that moment when you have exhausted yourself. Shame may blind us of our identity, but it cannot change the status of our adoption. We are His, and He will not let us go.
Do not mistake God for an earthly parent or friend. We are often left grieving and hurting from the betrayal of loved ones. Our hope of being unconditionally loved is so often shattered by those who we expect it from. God’s love and commitment is far more robust than what we have grown up with.
Secondly, God promises to deal with our mould-like shame. He tells us that an operation will need to take place. God is offering us open heart surgery. However, the Bible does not reduce the heart down to just the engine room of our emotions. Rather, the heart is a symbol of our entire self. Every component of our self will be restored and refreshed. The infection of shame removed and washed away. God says to his children in the book of Ezekiel, ‘I will give you a new heart... I will remove from you, your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh’ (Ezek. 36:26). God’s ultimate answer to our shame is coming. God will step into our shame, so that he can free us from it. The life of Jesus is far richer that a religious fable that encourages bad people to do good things. For more on this, read my next blog post.
To finish, do you feel close to death? Has shame left you feeling mouldy?
If so, take a moment to allow yourself to be loved by your Heavenly Father who will not let you go. He says to you, 'live my dear child '.
Shame wants you to hide in death.
God brings life to those close to death.
Jesus died in shame, so we can hide in him.
Allow your nakedness to be wrapped up in Jesus.
John B. Taylor, ‘Ezekiel’
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